Are you scared that your partner will look to enact revenge if you try to leave? Do you feel stuck and unable to take your life into your own hands? Do you feel like your partner is controlling your life or vindictive?
Many people have had to fear that their abusive partner will become vindictive if they try to leave. And they are scared of what the future might hold if they decide to take that risk. Will your partner try to make the people around you turn against you? How will their revenge look like?
No matter what the risks might be, being with a vindictive partner takes a more significant toll on your well-being than the revenge itself could ever take. And if you are still unsure if the moment is right or not, here are five signs it’s time to give up on that person.
How Does A Vindictive Partner Behave?
Vindictive people look to enact revenge on people who they see as having wronged them. They hold grudges for a long time and will do anything to get back at you.
In relationships, these are the people who want you to get the short end of the stick no matter what. They will not make sacrifices for your well-being. Instead, they will try to make you be the one to sacrifice everything. They are selfish, and as long as they’re good, that’s all that matters.
For some people, being with someone vindictive looks like being threatened that the breakup will leave you virtually bankrupt. Or maybe you’ll lose your kids as a result of a separation or divorce. They are the people who will do everything in their power to leave you with nothing. Indeed, they are toxic and abusive, instilling a “choose me or have nothing” mentality in the people around them.
These selfish people are resentful and angry, taking it out on the people around them. If they do something wrong, the ones they love will feel the repercussions. Being with someone vindictive always leads to an abusive relationship, and you will become surrounded by negativity.
5 Signs You Should Leave Your Vindictive Partner
As a result of such a negative relationship, people will remain emotionally scarred. It is common to struggle with depression, anxiety, self-doubt, isolation, confusion, and fear because of a vindictive partner.
1. Every Conversation You Have Is Negative
Communication is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. Whether it is a romantic or platonic relationship, healthy dialogue should be prioritized. Especially when that connection is romantic, communication becomes that much more critical.
Vindictive people are filled with rage. They struggle with anger management, having a deep-rooted negativity mindset. They refuse to talk through things when they get angry because that would necessitate a compromise. But a settlement is the last thing a vindictive person wants. They want to take out their rage on people who wronged them, in this case, on their partner. Sacrifices would mean that they couldn’t get the revenge they desperately looked for.
If they finally accept to talk, they never want to do it face to face. They don’t want their partner to see them while they make compromises. When they don’t talk with you face to face, it’s easier for them to lie and manipulate. They can make it seem like they are making sacrifices when, in reality, they are just trying to get off the hook while remaining vindictive.
Because of their attitude and the lack of communication, relationships with vindictive people become abusive psychologically, emotionally, or physically. It’s a common occurrence for a vengeful partner to get out their anger by sashing things or even hitting you. According to psychologist and relationship coach Madeleine Mason Roantree, when a relationship becomes even slightly abusive, it’s time for you to flee.
2. You Aren’t Yourself Around Them
Vindictive people can be scary, especially if you are in a relationship with them. The constant, looming threat that they will enact revenge if you ever make a misstep makes you walk on eggshells.
If you have to deal with someone who threatens to take their anger out on you, you will do everything in your power not to upset them. Their volatility and instability will start governing your actions. This can change the way you act. You will stop doing the things you like if that means they don’t get upset.
If they have an issue with you hanging out with certain friends, you will stop seeing them in the hopes that they won’t take their anger out on you. They will get mad and start yelling at you for going out too much, seeing friends, spending money on certain things, or whatever else. This will deter you from engaging in that action again.
In an abusive relationship like that, you are constantly forced to change who you are not to get hurt. You feel judged and pressured to be a certain way. And, because you need that validation from your partner, you will change yourself. This chips at your self-esteem and makes you believe there’s something wrong with you. The reality is that the only one who’s in the wrong is your partner.
Sometimes these are the people who even start making decisions for you, whether directly or indirectly. Some are more subtle. They play mind-games with you until you start feeling like you only have one option (the option they want you to choose). Other vindictive people straight-up tell you that if you don’t do what they want, you will suffer the repercussions.
If you notice behavior that resembles this in your relationship, try to get yourself out of that situation. Start relying on yourself, and understand that you can always fight against their revenge.
3. They Don’t Take Responsibility For Their Actions
An abusive partner, especially a vindictive one, will try their hardest to avoid taking responsibility. They strive to present themselves as perfect like their moral compass is flawless. They are such good actors that you might even start believing that what you do is wrong and immoral if they disapprove.
Because they don’t hold themselves accountable, they don’t have to admit that things can be improved about them. Not only that, but they blamed everyone but themselves. If you are the partner of such a person, expect to be blamed for everything that goes wrong in their life. Did they lose their job? It’s because they had to sacrifice precious work time to spend time with you. Did they gain weight? It’s because of what you cook. Nothing that happens to them is ever their fault.
This behavior is emotionally abusive. It makes you feel responsible for your partner. It makes you feel like you have to do everything in your power to ensure their well-being. They put you down to build themselves up. Even in the rare case if when they recognize doing something wrong, they’ll promise to change, but they’ll never do it. They will resist change at all costs.
This behavior coming from a partner can hold you back. You might find yourself postponi9ing your dreams to make theirs happen because of fear or other factors. If you find yourself experiencing this, understand that even in a relationship, you both are responsible for your actions as individuals. You are not their parent, and they are not a child. Whatever happens to them, that’s on them.
4. They Isolate You From Your Support Systems
Vindictive and toxic partners keep people in abusive relationships by isolating them from their support systems. Whether that’s family, a hobby, your workplace, or whatever else, they will go out of their way to cut your ties with that system.
People naturally lean on other people or things to validate and strengthen to get through tough times. If you don’t have that, and all you have in life is a vindictive partner, you will stay with them out of fear of being alone forever if you leave them. This means you should be aware not to let this happen in a relationship.
Whenever you enter a new relationship, watch to see if your partner tries to slowly isolate you from everyone and everything but them. If they manipulate you and try to convince you to give up your hobby to have more time for them, that’s a definite red flag. If they try to get you to stop seeing your best friends, that’s another red flag.
There are more ways through which they can isolate you, but the mechanisms are similar. They put forward a trade-off: either choose them but let go of people and things you love, or don’t let go of the things you love but lose them. If you notice this behavior once or twice, that’s a little weird but not concerning yet. But if it keeps happening, that’s a sign you should get far away from that person as fast as you can.
Reach out to people and ask for help. Don’t sugarcoat how things are. If you’ve cut ties with your family because of a person like this, that doesn’t mean you can reconnect. They can help you get out of that situation.
5. They Micromanage You
Vindictive people are also territorial. They have the unhealthy mindset that the people they’re with are like their property, and they can manage them. While people being protective of their partners is alright, these people are straight-up controlling.
These people will gaslight and manipulate you to the point where you are scared to make your own decisions. You either let them make decisions, or you ask for their permission for everything. They trespass boundaries and monitor your every step.
If your partner tries to do that, it’s a clear red flag, and you should break up with them as soon as possible.
Final Thoughts On Signs You Should Give Up On A Vindictive Partner
Vindictive people are often abusive and controlling. While they might seem redeemable at first, trying to stick by them is a waste of time. The primary way they enact emotional abuse is through manipulation, gaslighting, and threats. They will make it seem like if you leave, they will enact revenge on you. Luckily, they are all bark and no bite. Don’t let them intimidate you and go when things start to get toxic.