The less you trust yourself, the more you think you can’t rely on anything you believe. It’s not healthy! A lack of self-trust and jealousy are further connected because they both incorporate the following factors:
In a jealous relationship, you constantly need the validation and reassurance of your partner. You need them always to assure you that you’re the person they want to be with and that they’re not going to leave you for someone else. This causes you to become reliant on that reassurance, so you stop reassuring yourself and trust your mind.
· Taking Emotions As Logic
Validating your emotions, even the negative feelings, is good! But taking them as logical, entirely rational truths that guide your decision-making isn’t ideal. When you feel envy bubble up inside you, you trust your feelings over your brain. You let those emotions control you, and you get more and more jealous.
To be more like the people, you feel jealous of. You’re likely to become more perfectionistic. You want to feel worthy of your relationship for fear that if you’re not perfect, you’ll be left. Of course, this is an impossible standard, and when you focus on chasing the impossible, you stop trusting yourself as you are.
Worry is central to negative self-esteem. You worry you’re not good enough, that you’re not worthy of love, or that your partner will leave you. You worry about all these things and don’t trust that these anxieties aren’t rooted in reality.
6. It’s A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
One of the biggest dangers of a jealous relationship is how it fulfills itself. The jealousy that you feel fuels numerous negative, toxic behaviors. These behaviors lead to the fracturing and eventual end of many relationships.
When this mindset causes a relationship rift, your jealous brain shifts to overdrive. You see this end as a confirmation of all your worst fears. All the ways that jealousy harms your self-esteem become confirmed facts in your mind. You may think:
- See, I knew that person was more attractive than me! (self-comparison)
- I should have worked out more, and then they would have stayed. (criticizing yourself)
- I was right not to trust them. They didn’t want me from the start! (things that cause distance in a relationship)
- I’m undeserving of a relationship. No one could want me. (you think you’re not good enough)
- I would have been so much more prepared for this if I hadn’t missed all of those signs! I can’t believe I didn’t see all those reasons my jealousy was valid! (you stop trusting yourself)
Although your jealousy has lied to you, you continue to stand by it. Your relationship falls apart, and you feel that this means your jealousy was valid. The cycle only continues, and you continue to bring these thoughts into future interactions—your self-esteem plummets, which further reinforces that jealousy. It’s a deadly downward spiral, and it’s best to climb out of as quickly as possible.
Final Thoughts On Some Ways A Jealous Relationship Can Harm Your Self-Esteem
A jealous relationship will be rife with turmoil, stress, and hurt, and ultimately, it’ll crash and burn. Learning to address feelings of jealousy positively through open communication and emotional regulation can save partnerships.
If your relationship is plagued by jealousy, consider seeking couple’s counseling and individual therapy. A professional can teach you healthy coping mechanisms and better ways to direct, process, and understand these emotions.